Dwight K. Schrute. III

C/O SCHRUTE FARMS, MAIN STREET, HONESDALE, PA 18431
(T) 570-555-1212 (E) DSCHRUTE@SCHRUTEFARMS.COM
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
  • Star salesman, beet farmer, bed & breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard, office building owner, and former assistant [to the] regional manager
  • Able to vanquish customer resistance through physically imposing alpha-male traits and insatiable, merciless, jackhammer-like techniques
  • 13-time winner of Salesman of the Month award in 2005 and Salesman of the Year
  • Leader and mentor of underlings
  • Expert in martial arts weaponry, paintball, and pre-industrial German
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Dunder Mifflin Paper Co. Inc., A Division of Sabre, Scranton, PA
Sales Representative / Former Assistant [to the] Regional Manager
Micro-cap regional paper and office supply distributor
2005 - Present
  • Close more sales with revenues totaling more US dollars than any other employee, past, present, and future (projected)
  • Act as Regional Manager's eyes, ears, and right hand, overseeing and reporting on employee conduct, productivity, and arrival/departure times
  • Instituted "Schrute Bucks" reward system, immeasurably raising office morale
  • Serve as self-appointed enforcer of The Rules (Policies and Procedures Manual)
Schrute Farms,Honesdale, PA
General Manager (concurrent with Dunder Mifflin / Sabre role)
A family-owned 60-acre (240,000-square-meter) working beet farm
1980 - Present
  • Manage operations at the #1 beet-related agritourism B&B destination in Northeastern PA
  • Provide fine accommodations for beet enthusiasts in themed guest rooms representing "America," "Nighttime," and "Irrigation"
  • Meet or exceed beet needs of local stores, restaurants, and roadside stands
  • Facilitate recreational activities including but not limited to manure dodge ball, fresh butter statue sculpting, and beet syrup and rum making
EDUCATION
Scranton University, Scranton, PA
1992
Bachelor's Degree, Business Administration
GPA: 2.99987
SPECIALIZED SKILLS
  • Willingness to do anything to close a sale and/or please higher-ups
  • Resistance to germs, viruses, fungi, and most other health threats
  • Ability to raise and lower own cholesterol at will
  • Others too numerous to mention